View Full Version : Meeting between Kerrigan and her cerebrate
Terralisk
03-18-2010, 05:32 PM
Kerrigan: Okay, I called this meeting today because we have a problem. We need to find a way to deal with those pesky marines more efficiently. As you know, we've made hydralisks stronger and that helps a lot, but what else can we do?
Cerebrate: How about exploding zerglings?
Kerrigan: ...what?
Cerebrate: I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas out there.
Kerrigan: And what other brilliant ideas do you have?
Cerebrate: Well, we could make the zerglings so fat that they can just roll around instead of having to run.
Kerrigan: You know what? At this point, I can pretty much afford to do anything, no matter how retarded it is. Let's do it.
Sizro
03-18-2010, 05:33 PM
Kerrigan: Okay, I called this meeting today because we have a problem. We need to find a way to deal with those pesky marines more efficiently. As you know, we've made hydralisks stronger and that helps a lot, but what else can we do?
Cerebrate: How about exploding zerglings?
Kerrigan: ...what?
Cerebrate: I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas out there.
Kerrigan: And what other brilliant ideas do you have?
Cerebrate: Well, we could make the zerglings so fat that they can just roll around instead of having to run.
Kerrigan: You know what? At this point, I can pretty much afford to do anything, no matter how retarded it is. Let's do it.
Infested Terran: Looks like I'm out of a job.
Terralisk
03-18-2010, 05:34 PM
It's just that when I look at some of the new units, you have to wonder where they came from. Especially the weirder ones, like the baneling.
Crisischild
03-18-2010, 05:35 PM
Infested Terran: Looks like I'm out of a job.
Great, now I'm depressed. Thanks. As if this job crisis in America didn't have me down enough.
It's just that when I look at some of the new units, you have to wonder where they came from. Especially the weirder ones, like the baneling.
You mean like the skysurfing Zealot with the lightning sniper rifle that got stronger with each kill?
I'm stuck wondering why he didn't make it into multiplayer...
Artem
03-18-2010, 05:36 PM
It's just that when I look at some of the new units, you have to wonder where they came from. Especially the weirder ones, like the baneling.
It's funny you should mention that...
http://www.starcraft2.com/features/story/brokenwide.xml
Havoc
03-18-2010, 05:37 PM
"Also, we keep getting reports of the Roach bullying the other zerg."
"That arrogant bastard. Thinks he runs the damn place ever since we put him on the front line."
Great, now I'm depressed. Thanks. As if this job crisis in America didn't have me down enough.
Dey took ur job!
Crisischild
03-18-2010, 05:39 PM
"Oh and Kerrigan, the Bro lord is wondering when he's getting his child support check and if you're still picking up the kids for Soccer practice Saturday"
"Oh and Kerrigan, the Bro lord is wondering when he's getting his child support check and if you're still picking up the kids for Soccer practice Saturday"
SCV: Don't shoot babies at me bro!
Brood Lord: *fwump*
Poolatka
03-18-2010, 05:41 PM
It's funny you should mention that...
http://www.starcraft2.com/features/story/brokenwide.xml
damn, got to it before me.... great read.
Crisischild
03-18-2010, 05:42 PM
SCV: Don't shoot babies at me bro!
Brood Lord: *fwump*
/brofist
Dalcyon
03-18-2010, 05:43 PM
Infested Terran: Looks like I'm out of a job.
They still have a job.
Dagger
03-18-2010, 05:44 PM
Infested Terran: Looks like im out of a job? Can I go to Maui?
Cerebrate: Nah, will you stay if we give you a gun?
Infested Terran: OMGNOWAI
Cerebrate: *Cough* you also get a very fast form of zerg cancer *cough*
Infested Terran: What was that last bit?
Cerebrate: I am going to buy you a house in Maui!
Infested Terran: NICE!! /brofist
Cerebrate: I dont have hands -.-
Infested Terran: ...
Infested Terran leaves channel
Kerrigan: You got the idea that you can make decisions where? I did not approve of this, we dont use guns, we are zerg, we spit.
Cerebrate: C'mon Kerry, it boosts morale.
Kerrigan: How many times have I told you not to call me Kerry!! Is it really this hard to find intelligent beings to obey orders without question?
Cerebrate: We have the roaches.
Kerrigan: I said intelligent. Roaches cant contemplate anything bigger than the hold they are making for themselves.
Roach enters channel
Roach: Sup dawgz
Kerrigan: ...
Roach: Dang lady, take a burrow!
Kerrigan: You dare talk to the Queen of Blades in this fasion?
Roach: Aiight, I see how it be. Catch ya'll on the underside.
Roach Leaves Channel
Cerebrate: I dunno, I like him, how about tier 1 so we dont have to see him past midgame?
Kerrigan: Good idea, what kind of general would willingly use a creten like that?
Infestor: I know right?
Kerrigan: How long have you been here?
Cerebrate: I think he jus---
*A huge explosion erupts on the wall behind Kerrigan and in the wreckage there are scattered remnants of a baneling and a hydralisk waltzes through*
Kerrigan: Does no one knock?
Hydralisk: Thats what I asked that baneling to do, speaking of that I would like to apply for bereavement, he was a good friend of mine.
Kerrigan: Out. Now!!
Hydralisk: What kind of queen doesnt appeal to her subjects?
Kerrigan: The "of Blades" kind.
Hydralisk leaves channel
Infestor: Anywho, my Infested Terrans seem to think they are going to Maui?
Kerrigan: How did you get the password?
Cerebrate: Seriously, Kerry almost didn't even invite me. She was going to have another tea party with her stuffed dolls.
Kerrigan: It isnt a stuffed doll, it is a plush action figure of a windrider. And i got a pet out of it.
Infestor: Wait, you play WoW?
Kerrigan: Why do you think we are FINALLY mounting an attack? After 10 years.
Corrupter: Tell me C'thun wasn't your doing.
Kerrigan: Moving on. Infestor please leave.
Infestor leaves channel
Infestor phantom joins Channel
Kerrigan: Ugh, whatever. Infestors need to be nerfed.
Infestor joins channel
Infestor: Bro, thats not even cool.
Kerrigan: and increase burrow time and cost.
Infestor: :<
Kerrigan: Dont worry, only 10% of players even use you in the first place.
Cerebrate: /brofist
Kerrigan: You dont have hands.
Cerebrate: Curses, we need an upgrade for that in Spawning Pool.
Mutalisk joins channel
Mutalisk: I can has do everything rite?
Kerrigan: Zerg are pointless.
Kerrigan leaves channel
Mutalisk: /brofist
Cerebrate: You dont have hands.
Seksi
03-18-2010, 05:45 PM
Kerrigan: Okay, I called this meeting today because we have a problem. We need to find a way to deal with those pesky marines more efficiently. As you know, we've made hydralisks stronger and that helps a lot, but what else can we do?
Cerebrate: How about exploding zerglings?
Kerrigan: ...what?
Cerebrate: I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas out there.
Kerrigan: And what other brilliant ideas do you have?
Cerebrate: Well, we could make the zerglings so fat that they can just roll around instead of having to run.
Kerrigan: You know what? At this point, I can pretty much afford to do anything, no matter how retarded it is. Let's do it.
this had me bustin' up for days
and dagger.stone, yours was absolutely brilliant too :D
Poolatka
03-18-2010, 05:46 PM
lawlz
/brofist
/chestbump
/proceed to Pattie's day happy hour
Captinhammer
03-18-2010, 05:48 PM
The "of Blades" kind.
Nice.
Sizro
03-18-2010, 05:49 PM
Dey took ur job!
Dtkrjb!
Nezdragon
03-18-2010, 05:51 PM
Don't forget, Zerglings have little fin/wing things.
They could fly.
Subsourian
03-18-2010, 05:52 PM
Some other things I wonder about.
Mengsk: Bahaha! It's genius, I say! Genius!
Technician: Sir, as your technical adviser, I don't think this new schematic is technologically sound-
Mengsk: Hey, who's the Emperor here? What could possibly be wrong with my new design?
Technician: Sir, you just duct taped a medic to a dropship.
Medic: Please get me down from here...
Dagger
03-18-2010, 05:53 PM
Mengsk: Now that you all see that my genius knows no bounds, what is there left to do.
*Mengsk has a smug look on his face as he looks out a large glass window overseeing production of his medic-evacuation prototype, headlined medi-vac"
Technician: Seeing as we can heal from the air now, we need something viable from the factory.
Mengsk: Okay, take apart those Barracks.
Technicain: What? Why?
Mengsk: I have an idea that cant fail.
Technician: Umm, sir, currently Marines and Marauders make a considerabe part of our army, why would you want to limit production?
Mengsk: Do we have any parts left over from our Battlecruisers?
Technician: ... yes but just the broken guns.
Mengsk: Excellent. (Begins to cackle meniacally)
Technicial: Excellent? ... Sir are you alright, you may need a nap. I know how cranky you can get.
*A cloaking sound*
Ghost: Problems boss?
Technician: *Gulp* no .. no problems here.
Mengsk: Good, begin work on this blueprint. *Lays out a napkin on the table*
Technician: This will never work.
Mengsk: Do it.
Three months later.
Mengsk: Needs more canons.
Technician: Sir it already has 4.
Mengsk: Needs. MOAR. CANONZ!!!!11!11ELEVEN! ... oh and a tiny tow hook on the top.
Technician: Ugh. I give up. Okay boss.
*The technicians work day and night using the napkin for reference*
Mengsk, talking over Radio and TV news networks: Good people of the Terran Dictatorsh---Dominion. I give you the Zerg's newest nightmare. A monstrosity so large it can crush a zergling in a single step. A Tank so powerful it requires legs. A---
Technician in the background: A walking barracks with guns.
Mengsk: Silence worm!! The Zerg will never see this coming.
*A changeling marine explodes near the back of a formation.*
Back at the Zerg Hive cluster.
Cerebrate: Kerry, we've learned of a new Terran structure... wait unit... ummm... something.
Kerrigan: Stop calling me Kerry.
Cerebrate: This is serious babe.
Kerrigan: You are impossible. What is it now?
Cerebrate: It is as big as an Ultralisk, bigger even. Has canons up the wazoo and looks pretty menacing. I dont know how we are going to stop it.
Kerrigan: Send 20 zerglings out to scout it. Atleast one should return with information that we will need to stop it.
Cerebrate: Your orders are my command Kerry.
*20 Zerglings rush towards the Thor completing a combat abilities simulation.*
Mengsk: ZERG!!! Kill them. Thor!! ACTIVATE!!!!11!!111!!
Back at the Zerg Hive Cluster.
Cerebrate: Kerry, the Zerglings have returned.
Kerrigan: Really, what did you find out? And stop calling me that.
Cerebrate: Thor needs a buff apparently.
Dronmor
03-18-2010, 05:54 PM
Mengsk: Now that you all see that my genius knows no bounds, what is there left to do.
*Mengsk has a smug look on his face as he looks out a large glass window overseeing production of his medic-evacuation prototype, headlined medi-vac"
Technician: Seeing as we can heal from the air now, we need something viable from the factory.
Mengsk: Okay, take apart those Barracks.
Technicain: What? Why?
Mengsk: I have an idea that cant fail.
Technician: Umm, sir, currently Marines and Marauders make a considerabe part of our army, why would you want to limit production?
Mengsk: Do we have any parts left over from our Battlecruisers?
Technician: ... yes but just the broken guns.
Mengsk: Excellent. (Begins to cackle meniacally)
Technicial: Excellent? ... Sir are you alright, you may need a nap. I know how cranky you can get.
*A cloaking sound*
Ghost: Problems boss?
Technician: *Gulp* no .. no problems here.
Mengsk: Good, begin work on this blueprint. *Lays out a napkin on the table*
Technician: This will never work.
Mengsk: Do it.
Three months later.
Mengsk: Needs more canons.
Technician: Sir it already has 4.
Mengsk: Needs. MOAR. CANONZ!!!!11!11ELEVEN! ... oh and a tiny tow hook on the top.
Technician: Ugh. I give up. Okay boss.
*The technicians work day and night using the napkin for reference*
Mengsk, talking over Radio and TV news networks: Good people of the Terran Dictatorsh---Dominion. I give you the Zerg's newest nightmare. A monstrosity so large it can crush a zergling in a single step. A Tank so powerful it requires legs. A---
Technician in the background: A walking barracks with guns.
Mengsk: Silence worm!! The Zerg will never see this coming.
*A changeling marine explodes near the back of a formation.*
Back at the Zerg Hive cluster.
Cerebrate: Kerry, we've learned of a new Terran structure... wait unit... ummm... something.
Kerrigan: Stop calling me Kerry.
Cerebrate: This is serious babe.
Kerrigan: You are impossible. What is it now?
Cerebrate: It is as big as an Ultralisk, bigger even. Has canons up the wazoo and looks pretty menacing. I dont know how we are going to stop it.
Kerrigan: Send 20 zerglings out to scout it. Atleast one should return with information that we will need to stop it.
Cerebrate: Your orders are my command Kerry.
*20 Zerglings rush towards the Thor completing a combat abilities simulation.*
Mengsk: ZERG!!! Kill them. Thor!! ACTIVATE!!!!11!!111!!
Back at the Zerg Hive Cluster.
Cerebrate: Kerry, the Zerglings have returned.
Kerrigan: Really, what did you find out? And stop calling me that.
Cerebrate: Thor needs a buff apparently.
can't....... stop....... laughing!!!!!! *faints*
You mean like the skysurfing Zealot with the lightning sniper rifle that got stronger with each kill?
I'm stuck wondering why he didn't make it into multiplayer...
My god....
thats so badass
Deezus
03-18-2010, 05:56 PM
Dey took ur job!
LOL
Oh this whole thread is fantastic, thank you all you've made work much less painful
I would like to point out that Kerrigan killed all the cerebrates, yes even her own.
Zerospacepup
03-18-2010, 06:00 PM
Omfg Dx that last post, epic win Dx this whole thread is made of win Dx
/approves
vBulletin® v3.8.2, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.